| Its 5:30 am...wtf was I thinking |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|05:38 am] |
| [ | music |
| | whirring of fans and computers | ] |
Which is exactly what I am thinking sitting awake knowing damn well I have to be at work in 2 hours....I can't sleep though, my head hurts, my body aches, my chest feels like a few large pigs are dancing on it, and I...cannot...sleep. So what do I do? I update my journal. Honestly...I think about it...and I realize more and more how absolutely inept I am with people on so many levels. I have using them and getting them to do things for me...down pat...But that whole, knowing what they want/mean/think/feel thing? I fucking suck at it!! This is compounded by the fact that I am heavily medicated while they yet again try and figure out why my body is rebelling and secreting large amounts of goo from various areas. Anyway...I wish I could just figure this whole humanity thing out...or something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|11:27 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Naked in a chair | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Addicted to Bass (<3 Brooklyn) | ] |
Holy shit if I could be a bit more crabby atm, I would most likely be spitting fire and making people run for the hills. I have no patience what-so-ever. When I want something, I want it then, if I can't get it then, I lose interest. It sucks!! like my weight thing? I want my thighs and stomach to be gorgeous now, I don't feel like waiting for them to eventually tone up lol. Or the fact that I want certain males but I have to wait and see how things turn out....HATE that. lol Oh well, I'm getting significantly more time away from the computer, which is so nice. Going out with Mary, *purr* she's awesome...and a great babysitter (for my drunk ass lol) I'm hoping to see Random tonight...granted that would require him to actually call me...and we know the likelihood of that is...next to none yay! We'll see...I'm hoping to visit New York in the near future. As well as Seattle and Texas, if you're in the area I'll try and make a point to pop in and say HI!! As long as you don't mind nudity. I seem to be getting naked more often with less provocation lately. Rofl Hate clothing. Really need to do that research into a lesbian nudist colony. |
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| people |
[Jun. 26th, 2006|04:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Scooter | ] |
As all of you well know, I hate people. Not only are they the single most frightening entity of all time, they piss me off to no end. Being a logical albeit flighty person by nature, they frustrate me. Blah. I need out of here. Anyone have any ideas of where and how I can move the fuck out of this hellhole called St.Louis? Kthx. Meh. Ok off to work <3 |
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| apparently....people watch me |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|01:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Tornado Alley | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Benassi Bros. | ] |
I've found myself a brand new stalker! j/k I heard I don't update so I'm updating. I'm still playing WoW...like its a bad fuckin habit that I can't quit. I'm ok with that though. I like the people online much better than the people I find around me. *sigh* such is life. Other than that I'm alright, alive, kicking, etc etc. I'm working on losing the last of my weight, I fit into my bikini now I just want to look drop dead in it ;) <3 I'm out for awhile. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|11:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Shinedown | ] |
I'm moving back to St.Louis. I was just told I have to write a 3-5 page paper on drinking and its affect on students, as well as design a bulletin board for the fucking floor, this is because they found alcohol in my room. La dee fucking da! Res life can suck my strap-on, its fucking rediculous. I'm sorry, were they thinking that students don't have liquor in their rooms? was it a fucking surprise? OH! and they had the nerve to tell me the amount of alcohol was too much for one person!! All of you that have drank with me, does it not take a shitton to get me drunk, let alone wasted? I mean fuckin a, I drank a bottle of crown by myself the other night and was a shade over drunk. Fuck you res life, fuck you. I also can't seem to find my friend, who was a big reason I came back to school here. I'm going to talk to my teachers and if there is no reason for me to stay here, I'm moving back by the end of february. I can't do this anymore, I'm not cut out for it. Maybe I can get a roomie and an apartment in St.Louis. I dunno at this point. I just want out of here so bad I can hardly think of anything else. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|07:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Starry Eyed Surprise | ] |
Happy Valentine's Day!! Worst holiday of the year. :-P I dyed my hair black, and fucked up, the back portion is definitely brown, but I think it fits me, the fucked up part that is. I'm starting to feel more like my old self, and I like it. Even though its depressive I feel happier being that way. Odd huh? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|10:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Korn | ] |
Writing more out of boredom than anything at this point. I had an...eventful weekend. Videoracing was hellacious, complete with a set of asshole customers. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with them til next year. I got to see Mary and do some quality catching up. It was nice, I've missed her. I had fun drinking with her, and she got to see my ever-growing boobs. Yes, they're still getting bigger. As is my ass apparently. I looked in the mirror and its definitely bigger than I thought. I'm upset about it. I need to get fucked, bad. I don't mean pick up a random guy and satiate my need for dick, I mean I need to find a freak who is going to make me scream. Debating if I want to go in town this weekend, or friday for that matter. I have to go in sat because I have another event (damn busy season) but otherwise I might just avoid St.Louis for awhile. *shrug* we'll see. I'm a huge geek. I'm coming to terms with it :-P but yea, I'm a huge geek. I don't have any particular event that tipped me off, other than the massive amount of time I spend gaming, but yea. I'm going to try and start exercising more often, which brings me to my ankle. I was supposed to be out of my boot like 2 weeks ago. Every time I try and be without my boot my foot swells and starts to hurt. Its not right away, but I can't go whole days without my boot. It's annoying as hell. I need a party. And soon. Going to contact The Dave and maureen see if they know of any good ones going down. Mrmph, I'm sure there's more but I'm bored and going to go wander |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|03:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Korn | ] |
I have been ditched. I'm really starting to feel like there is something wrong with me. Am I too fat? Do I have some quality that says, "TRY ME and then turn gay!". I mean honestly. I think I'm just a fuck up when it comes to males and the sexual realm. Fuck it, I'm drinking myself into oblivion tonight, be prepared for drunk dials. |
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ortheia's journal
